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Several weeks of uncontrolled, lengthy binges on Double Stuf Oreos have left Giants quarterback Eli Manning sixty pounds overweight. Manning had been training for an upcoming Double Stuf race by eating absurd amounts of Oreo cookies on a daily basis.

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Brooks Sullivan, a 33-year-old casual NBA fan from Benton City, Missouri, is pretty sure he's heard of the guys that will be participating in the slam dunk contest. He's not one hundred percent sure, but he's almost positive.

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Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has announced that he will be retaining the hot seat for head coach Wade Phillips next season. Jones says he has every intention of motivating Phillips with continued use of the hot seat, intimidation, as well as any other method he deems fit.

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The Arizona Cardinals were blown out 45-14 by the New Orleans Saints in their playoff game on Saturday, and were hurt by the loss of quarterback Kurt Warner. After several minutes of careful consideration on his way to the visitors locker room, Warner decided to call it a career and retired on the spot.

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The New York Mets are outraged with their centerfielder Carlos Beltran and his decision to perform surgery on his own knee. The team had hoped Beltran would have sought the services of an actual sports medicine physician.

Newly hired USC head coach, Lane Kiffin, has a spacious 102,000 seat office that is strangely similar to Tennessee's Neyland Stadium, which just happened to be reported stolen shortly after Kiffin's departure. Kiffin denies taking the stadium with him, claiming that he only took personal items from his UT office.

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Despite a history of bad luck and poor decision making, a rumor that something good has happened to the Los Angeles Clippers is spreading. If the rumor turns out to be true, it would be the first positive for the franchise in recent memory.