Drayton Drewer, a 29-year-old Notre Dame Fighting Irish fan from Amber Lake, Illinois had grown tired of watching his beloved team fall painfully short of expectations. Things got so bad for Drayton, he vented his frustration by punching himself in the face while outside his favorite watering hole.

Jimmy Johnson completed what some fans are calling an incredible athletic feat over the weekend by driving a car en route to winning his fourth straight Sprint Cup Championship, proving he is the best in the world. At driving a car. NASCAR fans cannot stop singing his praises.

LSU fell short against the Ole Miss Rebels by a score of 25-23, and many are pointing the blame at Tiger head coach Les Miles and his poor clock management. Miles struggled to call time out, wasting precious seconds that inevitably cost his team the game. He was finally able to signal for timeout at his post-game press conference.

The usually reliable fake laughter on FOX NFL Sunday's pregame show was interrupted today with some actual analysis by former NFL head coach Jimmy Johnson. Dialogue that involved actual football completely befuddled the show's host, Curt Menefee.

All-Star catcher Joe Mauer and the Minnesota Twins are continuing extension talks regarding the length of Mauer's sideburns. If the two sides are unable to reach an agreement, Mauer's future in Minnesota will remain uncertain.

The struggling New Yorks Knicks are contemplating signing the recently released Allen Iverson. They are hoping Iverson could fill the disgruntled, undersized shooting guard role, a role in which they are clearly deficient.

Following an emotionally charged meal that consisted of healthy portions of ribs, chicken wings, and beef tips, Jets coach Rex Ryan immediately broke into a profuse meat sweat. This comes on the heels of him apparently crying in front of his players during a Monday team meeting.

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USC's Pete Carroll was quite upset with Stanford and their head coach Jim Harbaugh, with what many viewed as running up the score following Stanford's 55-21 victory, as the Cardinal went for two leading 48-21. He has continued his "deal" with Stanford, and is now accusing them of running up their SAT scores.

Bill Belichick sent a strong message to his defense by going for it on 4th and 2 from his own 28 yard line, clearly insinuating they had no chance of stopping Peyton Manning and the Colts. He further rubbed it in to his defensive players that he has no use for them, when after the game, he left them stranded at the Indianapolis airport.

By trading for Stephen Jackson, the Charlotte Bobcats have made the move they deemed necessary to lower the morale of their team. Morale had clearly been too high and team chemistry had just been a little too perfect. Acquiring Stephen Jackson, a guy that has been disgruntled everywhere he's been, is certainly a move in the right direction to adversely effect team chemistry and lower team morale.