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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 12 January 2010 23:06 |
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Lennox Tucker, a utility player for the San Diego Padres with marginal talent, is very upset upon learning that the steroids he just purchased will in no way improve his performance. He recently discovered that steroids merely increase one's ability to stay healthy or accelerate recovery from injury, while doing virtually nothing to enhance hand eye coordination, power, strength or athleticism.
"It's very disheartening," said Tucker. "I purchased these steroids with hopes of improving my power numbers and my speed, which of course would have increased my playing time while leading to a fat contract extension. To hear that steroids will do nothing to aid my performance on the field is incredibly disappointing to say the least."
Tucker is now forced to utilize hard work and nutrition to improve his baseball skills and athletic ability.
"I've never heard of hard work and nutrition helping anyone on the baseball field," said the downtrodden Tucker. "Maybe I'll catch lightning in a bottle and that method will work for me, but I doubt it. There's got to be an easier way."
How Stupid Does Mark McGwire Think We Are? (Around the Horn Baseball) McGwire's Confession Falls Short (Fox Sports)
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