NCAA Articles
Irate Notre Dame Fan Punches Self In Face
Written by Andy   
Wednesday, 25 November 2009 08:45

 

Drayton Drewer, a 29-year-old Notre Dame Fighting Irish fan from Amber Lake, Illinois had grown tired of watching his beloved team fall painfully short of expectations. Things got so bad for Drayton, he vented his frustration by punching himself in the face while outside his favorite watering hole.

 
Les Miles Finally Calls Timeout at Post-Game Press Conference
Written by Andy   
Sunday, 22 November 2009 14:05

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LSU fell short against the Ole Miss Rebels by a score of 25-23, and many are pointing the blame at Tiger head coach Les Miles and his poor clock management. Miles struggled to call time out, wasting precious seconds that inevitably cost his team the game. He was finally able to signal for timeout at his post-game press conference.

 
Pete Carroll Accuses Stanford of Running Up SAT Scores
Written by Andy   
Wednesday, 18 November 2009 12:08

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USC's Pete Carroll was quite upset with Stanford and their head coach Jim Harbaugh, with what many viewed as running up the score following Stanford's 55-21 victory, as the Cardinal went for two leading 48-21. He has continued his "deal" with Stanford, and is now accusing them of running up their SAT scores.

 
Notre Dame Preemptively Fires Replacement for Charlie Weis
Written by Andy   
Wednesday, 11 November 2009 13:59

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Following Notre Dame's second loss to Navy in three years, Charlie Weis is clearly on the hot seat, struggling once again to return Notre Dame to its past glory. In an attempt to speed up the process of returning Notre Dame to the top of the rankings, Notre Dame has yet to fire Weis, but has preemptively fired Charlie Weis's replacement. Following the season the school will skip right to the coach that will lead them to national prominence once again.

 
Study Finds Defensive Struggle Just Crappy Offense
Written by Andy   
Sunday, 08 November 2009 16:39

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The Nebraska Cornhuskers won a low scoring affair over the Oklahoma Sooners last night, by a score of 10-3. The low scoring, defensive battle prompted a group of scientists to look more closely at games that had been previously labeled as defensive struggles. The group of scientists has released their findings, and they have concluded that defensive struggles are just crappy offense.

 
TCU Hurting BCS Title Chances by Being From TCU
Written by Andy   
Friday, 30 October 2009 14:25

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The controversy of the BCS is upon us once again. Will it be two perennial powerhouses, such as Texas vs. Florida or Alabama, or will an upstart, non-BCS team get in the mix? Currently, TCU is the highest rated non-BCS school, but is unknowingly hurting their chances at a BCS title by being from TCU.

"They just don't get it," said a member of the BCS computer programmer squad. "We set up these computer programs to get big name schools to the title game. People would rather see a 1-loss Florida or a 1-loss Texas than an upstart underdog team like TCU or Cincinnati. I mean do you ever watch sports? No one wants to see the little guy somehow defeat the favorite. My advice to TCU is to change their name. Maybe to USC, LSU or some other three letter school name that is more recognizeable. Then our computer might rank them a little higher."
 
LeBron Advises Terrelle Pryor to Stop Sucking
Written by Andy   
Thursday, 22 October 2009 20:01

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The struggles of Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor have been highly publicized as of late, particularly after Pryor's poor performance in Ohio State's loss to Purdue last weekend. To combat his struggles, Pryor has been receiving advice from LeBron James, whose advised Pryor to stop sucking.

"It's tough to be that #1 guy if you suck," said James, "so I told him to stop sucking. If you stop sucking, then you will probably play better."

Pryor's head coach Jim Tressel also feels he would play better if he would heed James' advice.

"Even though he's been making some 'minus plays', we're going to stick with him," said Tressel. "We really feel as a staff, that he has the ability to eliminate those minus plays if he would just suck a lot less than he does right now."
 
Sam Bradford's Latest MRI Confirms No NFL Contract
Written by Andy   
Sunday, 18 October 2009 19:57

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The Red River Shootout ended with another Texas Longhorns victory, this time 16-13 over the Oklahoma Sooners. Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford again injured his right shoulder, and his season and college career are in jeopardy. He underwent an MRI, and it confirmed that no current NFL contract exists in his right shoulder.

"We found no new injury and no evidence of an NFL contract," said a member of the Oklahoma medical staff. "He aggravated his previous injury. That's it. We did not find evidence of a current NFL contract."

Bradford was disappointed by the news.

"I had hoped a guaranteed NFL contract would be in there," said Bradford, who would most likely have been the #1 overall pick in the 2009 draft with a contract estimated to reach at least $60 million. "But I made the decision to come back to college, and now all I can do is regret that choice and listen to everyone second guess my decision."
 
OK State to NCAA on Bryant: "Feel Free to Punish our Untalented, Useless Players"
Written by Andy   
Wednesday, 14 October 2009 09:02

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Oklahoma State star receiver Dez Bryant is in some trouble with the NCAA, for allegedly lying to NCAA officials about activities that may have taken place while at the home of Deion Sanders. The school has asked the NCAA to go easy on Bryant, instead offering to have several untalented, useless players punished instead.

"We've got all kinds of walk-ons that don't play, why can't they punish them?" said a representative of the football program. "Or maybe some guys that are injured, and out for the season. Suspend them. We'd also be willing to completely eliminate our indoor field hockey program."

The NCAA has yet to rule on what Bryant's punishment will be, but the school hopes that the NCAA makes what they view as the right decision, allowing Bryant to be reinstated, while punishing other less talented players for Bryant's mistakes.

Said the school representative, "Dez Bryant is our meal ticket..er, I mean it was just some unusual circumstances. He deserves a second chance and we deserve a big payday in a bowl game."
 
ESPN on Nebraska's Win: "Tim Tebow Will be a Game Time Decision"
Written by Andy   
Friday, 09 October 2009 09:44

Nebraska defeated Missouri last night, 27-12, in a rain soaked come from behind victory. It was a very important win for the Cornhuskers and their chase for the Big 12 North title. ESPN's take on the game? 'Tim Tebow Will be a Game Time Decision.'

"Well we had just started the Nebraska-Missouri highlight, and were right in the middle of showing one of Zach Lee's touchdown passes," said Sportscenter anchor John Anderson. "But then we realized that we hadn't mentioned Tim Tebow and his concussion in about 5 minutes, so we had to break into the highlight and talk about Tebow. It's just the network's policy."

'Tim Tebow Will be a Game Time Decision' was also ESPN's analysis of the major league playoffs, NASCAR's Chase for the Sprint Cup, and this week's upcoming NFL schedule.
 
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