NFL Articles
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Written by Andy
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Monday, 05 October 2009 13:17 |
The Raiders lost again, this time 29-6 to the Houston Texans. Oakland's offense was terrible, gaining a measly total of 165 yards. Today, Oakland has attributed their season long offensive struggles to not sharing the playbook with quarterback JaMarcus Russell.
"It's tough out there when you don't know what's going on," said Russell. "They send in these long plays with 15 words and a bunch of numbers. Apparently I am just supposed to figure things out on my own."
The Oakland Raider coaching staff regrets not sharing the playbook with their QB.
"It was a mistake," said head coach Tom Cable. "We should have shared our plays with him. But JaMarcus is young, so we didn't want to burden him with too much. Looking back it was a mistake. It was probably a bad decision to not introduce JaMarcus to his receivers either. I don't think he even knows their names, let alone where to throw the ball to."
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Written by Andy
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Friday, 02 October 2009 09:41 |
The match-up between the Green Bay Packers and the Minnesota Vikings on Monday night is one of the most hyped games in recent memory, with Brett Favre playing his old team. Many feel that revenge is a motivating factor for the Vikings QB, a feeling that he denies. He has also denied ever playing for the Packers.
"I'll admit I played for the Jets before I got here," said Favre, "but the Packers? I don't think so. I mostly played pick-up games for Wrangler commercials. I have not ever played for the Green Bay Packers."
Despite the Brett Favre Steakhouse and a street named Brett Favre Pass, he remained steady in his denial of any past association with the Green Bay Packers.
"It's just a coincidence that those things are in Green Bay. I think Favre is like 'Smith' or 'Jones' in northeast Wisconsin. There's probably a hundred guys named Brett Favre there."
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Written by Andy
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Thursday, 01 October 2009 11:18 |
On the heels of the study indicating that NFL players are more likely to suffer from dementia, or other memory-related impairments than the average population, another study has shown a shocking link between repeated forceful blows to the head and concussions.
"Who knew?" said a representative of the NFL. "I mean, it's crazy that there is a link between grown men running into each other at full speed and the incidence of head injury. I suppose their next theory to test out is that your hand is susceptible to fracture if you punch a brick wall...OWWWW! I think I just broke my hand!!"
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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 29 September 2009 13:56 |
Over the weekend, the Oakland Raiders made it very clear that they would like to ban former QB Rich Gannon, who is now a CBS analyst, from team facilities. Gannon made some comments that the Raiders organization found offensive. Today, the Raiders extended their ban of criticizers, and have banned anyone who has said anything negative about the team.
"It's just a move that we had to make," said a team spokesman. "We can't have people saying negative things about the Oakland Raiders organization. It's not good for our image."
This widespread ban will force the team to play in empty stadiums, without players, coaches and television coverage, a move that the Raiders front office fully supports, as they have no apparent idea about how to run a football team.
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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 29 September 2009 11:44 |
The Buffalo Bills offense struggled over the past weekend, only scoring one touchdown in a 27-7 loss to the New Orleans Saints. Terrell Owens was held without a catch for the first time in 185 games, which Owens attributed to the postgame attack he suffered at the hands of the Buffalo media.
"The media in Buffalo is preventing me from playing an active role in this offense," said Owens. "They are a bunch of meanies, and they are trying to make me out to be some evil guy that thinks his quarterback (Trent Edwards) doesn't make good decisions or that the play calling stinks. Have I ever publicly stated anything negative about my quarterbacks or offensive coordinators? I don't think so."
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Written by Andy
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Monday, 28 September 2009 11:17 |
Eric Mangini has taken discipline to another level. Several players have filed grievances against him for what they view to be unfair fines. One player was even fined $1701 for taking a $3 bottle of water from a hotel. It is believed that Mangini is also threatening players with fines for reaching the end zone.
"Yeah I'll fine them if they reach the end zone," said a stern Mangini. "Not scoring touchdowns is just a part of my plan for the Cleveland Browns. It takes discipline to not reach the end zone, and I will fine them if they do. But on a brighter note, we are close to being very disciplined, because we are already not scoring very often."
Mangini is also working on completely re-inventing the game of football. His current plan involves a two quarterback/two football system to make his Brady Quinn - Derek Anderson dilemma less stressful while confusing defenses at the same time.
"If I can somehow get two balls on the field at the same time then our chances for completing a pass double," noted Mangini. "Plus, it will bewilder the defense having two balls to defend. It's a genius idea. Make that a Mangenius idea."
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Written by Andy
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Monday, 28 September 2009 10:28 |
The Detroit Lions actually won a football game yesterday, a 19-14 decision over the Washington Redskins. Redskins coach, Jim Zorn, is taking some heat in Washington over this game. However, researchers say Zorn should be praised for this historic event, as he is believed to be the first coach to get the Detroit Lions a win since Wayne Fontes.
"It's great that I could be a part of this historic game," said Jim Zorn. "I guess I would have preferred if my team won, but getting credit for a monumental win for another organization is pretty good too. Hopefully I can become a position coach or a coordinator for the Lions when I get fired by the Redskins."
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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 22 September 2009 09:25 |
The Michael Crabtree saga in San Francisco just keeps getting better and better. Now the 49ers are accusing the Jets of tampering, claiming they spoke with Crabtree's agent. The Jets claim that they never spoke with Crabtree's agent, but admitted that they did send him a giant bag filled with money.
"It's just a coincidence that we need a big play receiver and he is kind of still on the market," said a representative of the Jets. "We simply sent his agent a big bag of money as a good faith gesture. It has nothing to do with us wanting Crabtree to play for us."
The NFL is looking into the matter. Right now the league is not commenting, but sources say investigators are waiting for another anonymous bag of cash to arrive at league offices.
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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 15 September 2009 22:39 |
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Many were wondering about the Philadelphia Eagles immediate quarterback situation, given the rib injury suffered by Donovan McNabb in Sunday's game vs. the Carolina Panthers. With Michael Vick suspended for another week, the team signed free agent quarterback Jeff Garcia. Today, the Eagles team doctor successfully replaced McNabb's broken rib, with Garcia himself.
"It's a risky procedure," said Eagles head coach Andy Reid. "But given Garcia's small stature, our team doctor thinks it will work. Donovan should be fine by Sunday."
McNabb agrees.
"I feel pretty good after the surgery," said McNabb. "It's a little sore, but much better than what I was with a broken rib. I look forward to playing this week."
McNabb will most likely join teammate Brian Westbrook this season on the 'I'm not practicing and am questionable, but will play really well on Sunday' list.
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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 15 September 2009 11:55 |
The return of Tom Brady to the regular season was an exciting one, as the Patriots pulled out a last minute 25-24 victory over Buffalo. The turning point came on a fumbled kick return by Leodis McKelvin, a fumble clearly caused by Tom Brady, allowing the Patriots to come back and win.
"I just glared really hard at him when he took the ball out of the end zone, kind of like a Jedi mind trick," said Brady. "I saw him jump a little bit, and then he got hit. So I glared even harder at the ball, and it popped free, we recovered, and the rest is history."
Using his mental abilities to cause the fumble clearly exhausted Brady, as he was clearly confused by the post game ritual of interviewing the winning quarterback when he blew off Suzy Kolber.
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