NFL Articles
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Written by Andy
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Thursday, 03 September 2009 15:09 |
Shame on the Washington Redskins ticket office. First, they sell tickets to brokers, even with a long waiting list of fans that would buy tickets. Then, it is revealed that they sued season ticket holders who defaulted on their season ticket agreement. They even forced one woman into bankruptcy. Now they are suing New York Giants fans for buying tickets to Giants games.
"We want people to pay money for Washington Redskins tickets, not New York Giants tickets," said a source from within the organization. "If we can't get enough cash from Giants fans, we'll move on to the Jets, then the Eagles, then right on down the Atlantic coast. We will harass every NFL fan base until we get our money."
Despite being told that no legal right existed for them to do this, the Redskins are undeterred.
"Dan Snyder didn't become a kajillionairre by giving stuff away. We're going to take what's rightfully ours. We're going to take what's not rightfully ours. And we're going to take what we want to be ours. If it's a bad PR move, so be it."
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Written by Andy
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Thursday, 03 September 2009 12:04 |
With injury information tough to come by in New England, many are wondering about the status of Tom Brady for the opener. But by being listed as probable for today's afternoon film session, it is most likely that he will be in the lineup come opening day.
"I am fine," said Brady. "Coach Belichik just adds me to the injury report because the media eats it up. I don't want to let the cat out of the bag, but next week I may be listed as questionable with some sort of infection. It should be a lot of fun."
This should be a relief to Patriot fans and fantasy football players everywhere. Hopefully Brady can stay healthy all year, and avoid injury due to football players carelessly playing football in his vicinity.
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Written by Andy
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Thursday, 03 September 2009 11:43 |
The Minnesota Vikings and head coach Brad Childress have announced that Brett Favre and other starters will not play in the final preseason game versus the Dallas Cowboys. They will also sit their starters for the entire regular season.
"Football is a tough game, and injuries are always a risk," said Childress. "By resting our starters for this game, and all 16 games of the regular season, our starters should be fresh come playoff time. They may be watching from their couches at home, but they'll be fresh."
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Written by Andy
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Thursday, 03 September 2009 11:28 |
With the Cubs and White Sox underachieving this year, Chicago sports fans now turn to the Bears. With high expectations for the team, fans hope the Bears can achieve Cubs and White Sox levels of disappointment.
"It's great to have a team that is supposed to do well," said Mike, a diehard Bears fan. "We even have, and stop me if I mispronounce this, a good quar-ter-back this year in Jay Cutler. It's an exciting time to be a Chicago sports fan. At least before the season starts. I just hope the Bears can come close to achieving the level of disappointment brought to us by the Cubs and the White Sox."
Should the Bears fall short like the Cubbies and the Sox, fans will most likely find solace in another first round playoff exit by the Bulls.
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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 01 September 2009 13:38 |
Today, President Barack Obama has declared the AFC West a disaster area. FEMA is now on the way to clean up the mess.
"I am glad that the government has finally stepped in," said a representative of the NFL. "The Broncos, Chiefs and Raiders appear to be a total mess. I just don't know how they could compete if we sat back and did nothing. We need some federal funds to restore these once proud franchises."
However, there is some opposition to this, mostly in the San Diego area.
"The government is going to bail those guys out?!?" said one Chargers fan. "Why can't they wait? Before they stepped in the Chargers winning the AFC West looked like the surest thing since the Titanic not sinking, er, well.... you know what I mean."
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Written by Andy
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Saturday, 29 August 2009 13:41 |
With lots of free time this weekend due to the Denver Broncos suspending him, Brandon Marshall needed something to. He's decided to attempt to put an "I" in team.
"There were lots of things Brandon could have done," said one of Marshall's advisors. "But he doesn't feel like working out, or studying the playbook. We fully support his decision to put an 'I' in team, whether he is successful in his attempt or not."
Good luck, Brandon. Many have tried, but all have failed.
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Written by Andy
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Saturday, 29 August 2009 09:39 |
Following his hit on Tom Brady during last night's Patriots-Redskins game, Albert Haynesworth is doing some damage control. Some are accusing him of trying to hurt Brady, but Albert says no way, it was just football. Today, he is apologizing for playing football near someone as delicate as Tom Brady.
"I shouldn't have tackled him like that," said Haynesworth. "He is a quarterback after all, and there are rules against hitting those guys unnecessarily. I can promise that it won't happen again. I will only tackle running backs, tight ends and wide receivers."
The NFL is looking into the matter, and will surely invoke some sort of two hand touch rule for quarterbacks. Especially elite quarterbacks that can make the league lots of money.
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Written by Andy
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Friday, 28 August 2009 16:11 |
Yesterday's reports indicated that the Favre situation was causing a schism in the Vikings locker room. Apparently a schism is also a disease, which caused a penicillin shortage in the Twin Cities.
"This isn't good," said a health center worker. "I've never seen a schism outbreak this bad. I've read about it occurring during the Civil War days, but I've never seen it. We just weren't anticipating this in 2009."
If this schism outbreak isn't contained, experts say that it will rival the swine flu, the bird flu, the west nile virus and SARS all wrapped into one.
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Written by Andy
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Friday, 28 August 2009 09:17 |
For a preseason game, the Bears vs. Broncos matchup is getting a decent amount of attention. Some top storylines include the whole Cutler vs. McDaniel thing, and Brandon Marshall's quest to get traded. We have learned that instead of a coin flip, possession will be determined by a Cutler vs. Marshall "Tantrum Off".
"It will be exciting to see who can throw the biggest tantrum," said one Bears official. "I hope it's Jay, but after seeing the video of Marshall at practice, I think he's got his work cut out for him."
Denver is also excited to see who can display the worst attitude, said a team spokesman.
"We've held on to Marshall for this reason, to win the tantrum off vs. Jay Cutler and the Bears. Once this is over, we can't get him out of town fast enough."
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Written by Andy
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Thursday, 27 August 2009 10:13 |
The Brett Favre situation with the Minnesota Vikings has certainly been the dominating story with the team recently. However, reports have surfaced that not everyone in the locker room supports Favre. Some players think Jackson gives the team the best chance to win, while others support Sage Rosenfels. John David Booty wonders why no one thinks he should start.
"How about some love for me?" said Booty. "So what if I've never thrown a regular season NFL pass. All this talk about Favre, Jackson and Rosenfels has been really hard on me. You'd think one guy in this locker room besides me thinks I could help us win. So what if I gave up my uniform number for Favre. My mom thinks I can do a good job, so why not my teammates?"
Don't worry John David. We're pretty sure the quarterback circus in Minnesota will be around for this year and probably next year too.
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