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Written by Andy
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Saturday, 10 October 2009 10:56 |
 Golf and rugby, have recently been added as Olympic sports for the Rio de Janiero Olympics of 2016. However, beer pong and monkey chug have fallen short in their quest to be taken as legitimate athletic events, and ultimately Olympic sports.
"We need to do a better job of promoting our events," said an obviously tipsy organizer of the beer pong-monkey chug proposal. "It probably wasn't such a good idea to be drunk when we brought this to the IOC. But oh, well. At least we're drunk. I am anyway."
Is this the last we've heard of beer pong and monkey chug, and their quest to be added as Olympic sports? We'll see. But as one supporter said, "Consuming large amounts of alcohol in a competitive setting is what the Olympic spirit is all about. Or something like that." |
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Written by Andy
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Friday, 02 October 2009 10:49 |
The NHL has been lost among the casual sports fan in recent years. Some blame the contract with the lesser viewed channel Versus, while others blame the season long lockout for the 2004-05 season. To remedy the limited fan base, the NHL began this season with game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, as this is typically a highly watched game.
"I can't believe we didn't think of this before," said a league spokesman. "NASCAR starts the season with their 'Super Bowl' (the Daytona 500), so we said, why not? Besides, it doesn't get much better than game 7. The drama, the excitement, two great teams. It was awesome!"
Unfortunately, this plan appears to have backfired. By determining the Stanley Cup champion on opening night, the NHL is now left with a 7 month string of completely meaningless games. Even more meaningless than usual.
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Written by Andy
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Friday, 25 September 2009 13:05 |
Fans of the Maple Lake High School football team in Dunbar, Arkansas are tired. Not from a triple overtime late night thriller, but from repeated requests of the cheerleaders for fans to stand up, sit down, and fight, fight, fight. These fans aren't too happy about it.
"It was ridiculous!" said Pam Schuster, a parent of one of the players. "We came to watch the game and support the team, even though we aren't very good. Then, with us behind 28-7, our annoying cheerleaders kept asking us to stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight. I am so tired and my knees are so sore today, I don't know what to do with myself."
One fan is filing an official complaint with the school. He wants the cheerleaders to incorporate cheers that are more indicative of the score.
Said an angry Mark Tipton, a 43-year-old lifelong fan of Maple Lake, "If I go to one more game, and the cheerleaders ask me to stand up and holler or ask me how much spirit I have when we are down by five touchdowns, I think I'm going to jab a fork in my eye."
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Written by Andy
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Thursday, 24 September 2009 21:55 |
Today, Wayne Gretzky announced that he will resign as coach of the Phoenix Coyotes. In response, the nation continued to not care about hockey.
"Who retired from coaching?" said William Garber, a 38 year old sports fan from Montrose, Iowa. "Didn't he used to play hockey? I guess I didn't know he was a coach. Is it hockey season already? I guess I was just concerned with football...and fantasy football."
William is not the only sports fan unaware of what is going on in the NHL.
"Phoenix? There's a hockey team in Phoenix?" asked Rita Underguard of Calico, Colorado. "What are they going to do next, put one in Tampa Bay or Atlanta?"
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Written by Andy
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Tuesday, 15 September 2009 11:29 |
The Washington Post recently gave Mike Wilbon a new page on its website allowing him to instantly post his thoughts and insights. His new moniker is "World Wide Wilbon." In an attempt to one up the Washington Post in the instant sports news department, the Denver Post has decided to have Woody Page utilize Twitter from outer space. The paper feels that people will want to pay attention to Paige, simply because this type of thing hasn't been done before.
What is Paige's response to being shot into outer space? "Jay Mariotti is a Jabronie!"
The Denver Post had considered other marketing alternatives, including having Paige write random quotes on a chalkboard while standing next to I-80. But tweeting from outer space was the winner, because it is believed that the volume of Paige's voice, should he speak if he has more than 140 characters worth of insight, will be tolerable if he is 20,000 miles away.
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Written by Andy
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Friday, 04 September 2009 13:32 |
Andy Roddick wins his match last night at the U.S. Open, bla, bla bla. But what's with ESPN2 not showing his wife, model Brooklyn Decker, much at all? Here is one man's take.
"So I tune into the duece, right" said 25 year old Ricky Potts of Jackson Springs, Ohio. "And I'm hoping to see Brooklyn Decker. The problem is, they barely show her, and then cut away to hours of Andy Roddick playing tennis. I can't watch this garbage anymore. I'd rather be looking at this."
Yes, Ricky, it is a shame that ESPN2 doesn't show Roddick's wife much during tennis broadcasts. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her during his 3rd round match. |
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Written by Andy
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Friday, 04 September 2009 11:44 |
Sports reporters gamble? According to a recent survey, 40% of them do, with 5% gambling on the sport that they are covering. Read about it at The Sporting Blog and Sports by Brooks. What else did this survey reveal about sports reporters? We took a look at some other trends in the world of sports journalism.
*61% admit playing XBox 360 or Playstation 3 during a broadcast.
*38% have more than just a man crush on Tom Brady.
*44% wish they could "just be Manny".
*17% cannot pronounce Roethlisberger, hence the nickname "Big Ben".
*81% of football announcers say 'football' at least 3 times per sentence regarding football while at a football game or on a football pregame show.
*41% of baseball announcers wish they had a cooler catch phrase for their home run call.
*54% have recurring nightmares of the telestrator drawing circles on them.
and finally-
*29% think there is an upper midwest media bias.
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Written by Andy
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Wednesday, 02 September 2009 12:36 |
Should you draft Maurice Jones-Drew or Michael Turner? Should you start Lance Moore or Donnie Avery? Should you stare at your computer 24/7 and get divorced or should you acknowledge your wife? These are just a few of the thousands of questions fantasy football players struggle with each year. Today, we are passing along a secret tip to put you on the right track towards winning your fantasy league.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THE NFL OR THE PERFORMANCE OF YOUR PLAYERS. Just call into several nationally syndicated sports radio shows and ask them your stupid...I mean your all important fantasy football questions. If you care about fantasy football a lot, but don't have time to follow the NFL, simply leave your decision making up to sports talk experts. Frank Ayers utilizes this method, and recommends it to everyone.
"I don't know the first thing about football," said Frank. "Heck, I've never even seen an NFL game. So, to optimize my fantasy football line-up, I call into 20 or 25 radio shows per week and ask them who I should start position by position, and I sometimes get great advice. Thanks syndicated sports radio shows that spend hours on fantasy sports and not real sports!"
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Written by Andy
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Monday, 31 August 2009 16:03 |
Following the surprise firing of Chan Gailey by the Chiefs, millions of fantasy football players are frantically searching for a replacement offensive coordinator.
"This isn't good," said Larry Benson, an avid fantasy football player. "I new I was taking a risk with the Kansas City offensive coordinator, but I didn't think he'd get fired before the season even started. I am screwed, because there really isn't anyone left. I wish I had purchased some fantasy football insurance."
Sorry, Larry. That's just one of the risks you take in the high stakes all important life changing world of fantasy football.
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Written by Andy
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Monday, 24 August 2009 13:52 |
Believe it or not folks, you can actually buy fantasy football insurance. We have obtained secret insider information on future plans these companies are working on.
Video Game Insurance - Tired of losing to your buddies or other online players in Madden or College Football? Get your money back on that expensive gaming system and all of those useless games.
My Favorite Team Lost Insurance - Did your favorite team lose a game? How dare they! For a nominal fee, recover tickets costs, tailgating costs and travel costs for all games attended that end in defeat for your #1 team.
Home Team Blackout Insurance - Home game blacked out on local TV? Don't want to buy a satellite package? Get yourself some home team blackout insurance. Recover all costs spent eating and drinking at your favorite watering hole just so you can see your home team play. Must be purchased 7 days prior to home game. Otherwise known as Jacksonville Jaguars insurance.
Notre Dame Overrated Insurance - Are you an Irish fan? Get some Notre Dame Overrated Insurance. Recover all ticket and travel costs associated for every Fighting Irish game attended if the Irish don't finish in the top 10, attend a non-BCS bowl, or lose by 20+ points in a BCS game.
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