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In what looks like a blatant move to protect their brand, Gatorade has announced that Tiger Woods drinks Powerade. This news comes curiously on the heels of Gatorade discontinuing their Tiger Focus product.
"Tiger Woods drinks Powerade," said a company source, "Of course Powerade is an inferior product to ours, but from the string of poor choices made by Mr. Woods, we aren't totally surprised."
The company source then produced a scientific study, conducted by unbiased Gatorade researchers which found a strong correlation to the consumption of Powerade preceding poor decision making.
"Drinking Powerade will almost certainly influence you to make poor life choices, such as cheating on your spouse or significant other," said one researcher, "while individuals who regularly drink Gatorade are trustworthy, and of the utmost integrity. It's in the data."
In addition, a focus group composed of Gatorade interns found Powerade icky in a taste test when compared to Gatorade, which they found delicious and very refreshing.
"Our completely unbiased research concludes that if you want a disgusting, gross drink that blinds your judgement, Powerade is for you," said the researcher. "If you're looking for a delicious beverage, and desire to be an honest, upstanding person, you should probably drink Gatorade. And you should avoid sexual encounters with anything that moves."
Photo from fOTOGLIF
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